Birth is a blessed event. Judaism places a high value on children and
every family should aim to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Genesis 1:28). With that in mind traditional Judaism has a
religious framework to guide a couple in their family planning. The set of laws most applicable are the Laws
of Family Purity.
When a married woman menstruates, or has any uterine
bleeding, husband and wife separate and will have limited to no physical
contact. During this time the
relationship focuses on verbal communication rather than physical. Seven days following the end of her flow, she
will immerse in the mikvah, or ritual
bath, thereby ritually purifying her soul and allowing the couple to resume
their physical relationship. While
visiting the mikvah is about a
woman’s relationship with G-d, it is hard to ignore that by the time she goes
to the mikvah, she is around the time
of ovulation. When a couple reunites,
they may conceive.
If a baby is conceived then she does not need to visit
the mikvah during her pregnancy as
long as she has no spotting. At the end
of nine months, when her bloody show occurs or at some point in her labor if it
has not yet occurred, husband and wife will once again separate and will have
no physical contact. Many traditional
couples will hire a doula just for this reason.
Any woman attendant would not be held to the family purity laws as they
are only for the married couple. She can
assist the mother in any way needed and is generally seen as a critical support
person. While her husband can be in the
room and can speak to her, offering words of encouragement, he cannot be a
physical support to her. A doula can
fill that role. A doula who is versed in
the Laws of Family Purity is an asset to couple as she understands how the
couple will and will not interact during the birth and will know that her
husband may step out of the room to say certain prayers, may stay until pushing
begins and then leave, or may stay throughout the birth but will probably not
watch the birth itself, but instead stand near his wife’s head and encourage
her.
He may or may not accompany her in the operating room
if a Cesarean section is required. At
any point during the labor, he may desire a phone consultation with his Rabbi
so he can be as involved as possible while still being true to his faith. Traditional couples take these laws very
seriously and the woman will want her husband to adhere to the laws even if it
means a further separation from her.
After the baby is born, traditional couples will not
announce the baby’s name. A formal
naming will happen in their synagogue if the baby is a girl or the naming will
be part of the brit milah or bris (ritual circumcision) Regardless of your feelings about circumcision,
this a tradition that is thousands of years old and is the way a baby boy is
welcomed into the religion. Respect for
the tradition is of utmost importance for the birth professional.
There are few other things to know about attending
tradition Jewish couples during birth.
First, never congratulate a Jewish couple on the pregnancy. Instead say B’sha’a Tova, or “in a good time.”
The congratulations are reserved for after the birth. The Hebrew expression is Mazel Tov! Secondly, the
father may pray during the birth. Try
not to interrupt him unless it is critical.
He is doing his part to help his wife have a safe birth. Thirdly, when the mother is breastfeeding the
father may leave the room. Seeing her
naked is not allowed until after she visits the mikvah.
In summary, always
remember is to respect the traditions, ask the couple about anything you are
not clear about, and understand that all couples adhere to these laws in varying
degrees. Some may be quite strict and
many will not adhere to them at all.
Sometimes just being there with an open heart is enough to put the couple
at ease.
About the author:
Jodi P. Green, MSW, MAJS, CD(DONA), DaL, is the owner of CT Birthing Services and a member
of WOW: Women of Wellness, a network for prenatal and early family care. She has been a birth doula for six years and
helps moms and couples achieve their birthing goals through comprehensive
prenatal meetings, birthing and breastfeeding support, and post partum
follow-up. During prenatal meetings, she
aims to listen as much as she talks and wants to understand what is important
to each mom/couple. She
is an Observant Jew, and resides in Bridgeport, CT with her husband who is the
Cantor of Congregation Rodeph Sholom, and their three boys, one born in a
hospital and two born at home. She can be reached at (203) 505-5795, ctbirthdoula@gmail.com or at www.wowofct.com.
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing! Very informative!
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